Embolden

There was a period during my undergrad years when I felt as if I were drowning.  Some self-imposed and invisible forces of pressure, serious academic challenges, and near depression made me insufferable and part of my college experience miserable.  Thankfully, this didn't last forever and I graduated at a much better place.  But because of this I feel extra cautious about balancing my workload.  I fear taking on too much might send me over the breaking point and I would prefer not to experience that again.  Erring on the side of caution sometimes makes me so afraid to fail I don't even want to try to prove myself wrong.  And that is unacceptable.

A few weeks ago, in the face of this new semester, I felt this fear.  Immediately ran a Google search because I was sure there was some sort of motivational quote floating around to fit my situation.  And there it is:  "Don't be afraid to fail.  Be afraid not to try."

Because don't they say that you regret the things you didn't do more than those that you did?  For the most part. [To rant a little, I've always hated that one Star Wars quote "Do or do not, there is no try."  Every time I see it I think "What the hell do you know, Yoda?!" First of all, he's fictional.  But second of all, I think I know what he means but I do protest too much lol]

Anyway, cheers to the freakin' semester!  To the first six months of 2015! To doing life!

♥

About trying...I've recently realized that several of my 25 before 25 goals are not finite, not something easily crossed off a list.  Some are continuous and some are quite non-specific.  A consequence of last-minute brainstorming, I guess.  While January has already had more than two posts, I think I may have forgotten that I am a graduate student and posting at least twice a month might not happen...let's see.

*Cracked open the thesaurus for that title word, "embolden."  

That's a bold-faced lie.  Do regular people even own thesauruses in print for their personal use in this day and age?

Happy Tuesday!

Keep Your Head Up

Sometimes I am a lie!  A fraud, a tame hypocrite.  I pass on words of encouragement because everyone needs encouragement and small reminders from time to time.  Then a moment hits me where I feel down or strange or un-confident.  In that moment I should instantly remember those words of encouragement I've heard and the ones I've tried to pass on.  But I don't. I stay stuck for a bit.

Scrolling through old bookmarks and old blog posts, I had a gasp-filled epiphany.  "Hey you, look at what you favorited.  Look at what you wrote.  Telling people to find joy no matter what's going on, to look up.  Have you done that today in your moment of internal despair?"  Yesterday, I felt some type of way (which is an inadequate way of saying you're displeased with or about something) and had to consciously think about not allowing myself to cry over nothing.  I didn't remember what I'd written to encourage others (and myself).  I didn't remember what my mother has told me about prayer and positive self-talk and perceiving myself as others see me (usually the truth instead of a distortion of the truth).

Staying stuck for longer than a little bit requires hefty reminders.  Until the point of nagging even, if that is what it takes for the lightbulb to switch on.  On to acknowledge the good, on to believe in yourself and your capabilities, on to shine light onto others.  Ahh, please remember sometimes...

I know it's hard, know it's hard,

To remember sometimes,

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

--"Keep Your Head Up," Andy Grammer
(this is one awesome, catchy song)