Natural Hair Envy

original traced doodle with didlr

I'm on the shuttle, sitting behind this girl whose natural hair is artfully pulled up, pinned into a puff. The edges at the nape of her neck lay relatively flat--beautifully tamed-- and I assume the same is true in the front. From the light of the sun, I can see the dark brown at the ends. Her hair is wispy, like loosened raw cotton or clouds, and it becomes desired in my mind. It looks softer than mine, so it must be. I shrug as I think how I would like to have her hair. If only because it would be easier to manage. Easier to stretch, easier to manipulate and style. 

I think it's easy to confuse manageability with quality. Hair with a looser curl pattern that falls is not inherently better than hair with tiny zig zags that stands up and out. But with the hair typing system and the majority of natural hair representation in a lot of media subtly imposes the idea that a certain "grade of hair" (as Raven Symone would call it) is more aesthetically accepted, more "classically beautiful." The thing is, manageability can be learned. Everyone has to adapt to the features and conditions each is born with. With the luck of the draw, some people may have one aspect of their lives easier than another person. It's not bad and fairness plays no role; it's just the way it is.

As soon as I coveted this girl's hair, I considered whether I had a warped view of what good hair is (but bottomline, good hair is always healthy hair). I questioned why I would, in an impossible scenario, want someone else's hair texture. Reading the natural hair stories of others, some women expressed feeling quite disappointed when, after the big chop or the transitioning phase, their hair did not resemble that of Tracee Ellis Ross or Teyonah Parris or some other fabulous-looking famous or real-life woman. When I cut out my relaxed ends four years ago, I knew to pack away the fantasies I had had. I knew that my hair would be whatever it was meant to be, which is mine and nobody else's.  I generally accept my hair, it's magical (and frustrating) shrinking ability, its texture, and its length. I like it most days, love it some days, and hate it every other day.*

Not really wanting to repeat advice that already exists in a million places on the Internet, I will only say this about natural hair envy and acceptance: admire others, but also admire yourself. To admire yourself, you have to learn how to look and be your best (and I'm still learning, especially about hair...very slowly). Obviously this goes deeper than hair and other expressions of outer beauty. Because jealousy is not cute. Gush over so and so, but also work with what you got. 

Happy Thursday!

*I kid. Or do I? Nah...

Misadventures in Makeup: Eyebrows on Fleek

Before and after: just the brows

This was truly a misadventure.  I want to be on the same level as all these gorgeous girls I see in real life and anywhere else.  And that level requires your eyebrows to be on point (or on fleek, shaped to the gawds, filled to perfection).  I have not had mine properly shaped since May 2014.  I know, I know... I've had a case of the vocal lazies-- I'll look at a mirror, see the unruly bushiness of my brows, and say aloud "I have to do something!"  Then...you can guess the rest. 

During Thanksgiving I attended a Black Tie event and my friends did my makeup for me.  They tried to tame my brows, hiding the stray hairs with minimal tweezing and concealer.  Amazing trickery.  They made me look glamourous.  And I thought that if they could do it, I could do it for myself.  Still not making time to professionally tweeze, wax or thread my eyebrows, after my final exams I headed to Target for the e.l.f Eyebrow Kit and e.l.f concealer (both in medium).  I had researched online for affordable and effective products.  e.l.f seemed like a good choice.  I had also been watching several Youtube tutorials.  They all make it look so simple.  But this simplicity requires a bit of skill and for me, a lot of practice.  

The first photo above shows the before and after.  Not quite what I was going for but considering my circumstances, the after was definitely tamer and more defined than the before.  I mean, I actually used real makeup brushes to comb my brows and blend the concealer around the shape.  Once I finished doing the brows I thought "What the heck, let's makeup the whole face!"  The after after is right below.
So the concealer is too light and the foundation is a little too dark and the eyeshadow looks like I have two mismatched black eyes.  But I tried.  That's really all that matters.  And I didn't leave the house with this face.  I went straight to the kitchen to make pasta for dinner. 0.o

What's my final grade?
Happy Monday!

After after: foundation and more too

behind the scenes

behind the scenes: not so beautiful mess

oh.
(this is so large!)

Lip Service

Drier than a desert.  Cracked like a sidewalk.  As rough as sandpaper.  Okay, maybe not like sandpaper.  But I have been forever cursed with dry lips and so I am forever eyeing (and buying) lip balm products.  Just look at that glorious wall of product at a Bed, Bath, and Beyond! 

From Blistex, Chapstick, Aquaphor, and Nivea to SoftLips, EOS, and Vaseline, I've tried so many.  And I would usually settle for Vaseline (they even have these mini sized ones), but maybe there was something better outside of the drugstore brands.  I'm not so sure about better, but there are definitely thousands more options.  Muy expensive ones. Organic ones.  Mint-infused, in a tub, in a tube, as a stick.  

A few months ago, one of my sisters was gushing about this brand called Lush Fresh Handmade Cosmetics.  She had a "shopping spree" there and got me so interested I Googled the company and the exact locations near me so I could visit.  And visit I did. On my way through I was also enticed by Sephora.  This is one reason why malls are not where it's at.

Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment // Lush Mint Juleps Scrub // Lush Honey Trap Lip Balm

Sephora carries several high-end lip moisturizing, conditioning concoctions and I sampled a few to mixed results before settling on Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment.  At the time I had recently seen InStyle's 2014 Best Beauty Buys and they named this product in the Rose tint as the best lip balm.  It's made with real sugar and has SPF 15.  It felt very moisturizing when I applied the tester so I decided to splurge and go without the color tint (twenty-two entire dollars plus tax).

After, I remembered by mall mission was for Lush and made my way to this interesting, sample and demonstration-filled establishment.  They have handmade products for hair, body, face, the shower and the bath.  The employees are well-versed in their company philosophy and their products.  What's cool about Lush is everything is homemade with fresh and organic ingredients and little to no added preservatives, plus a date made and date expired printed on the packaging.  

I looked around in awe before finding what I was looking for: the lip balms.  Lush has lip balms and scrubs, with a variety of scents.  I tried both, liked what I felt, but left to let it all marinate on my lips.  I returned and I don't know what it was about that day but I splurged again on the balm and the scrub ($7 and $9).  

Verdicts:

I used the Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment overwhelmingly for a few months.  After a while, I found myself quite unsatisfied.  Upon initial application it felt moisturizing, but I felt it dried out quicker than usual and I was constantly reapplying.  I didn't think it was worth what I bought it for (but my younger sister liked it, so waste not!).  Also the packaging is like a lipstick in that it had a long cover but unlike it because you have to twist it open.  It doesn't just snap on/snap off.  If I were to give a numerical ranking it would be awfully low and I don't want to detract anyone who might want to try it...

The Lush scrub is sugar.  You're supposed to put it on your lips, rub your lips together, and then lick it off.  Lastly, apply the lip balm. The licking part gave me pause.  Doesn't licking dry out your lips?  It's hard to apply without spilling and although it's edible, I don't really like it and I rarely use it.  But the lip balm?  That's my favorite.  You don't need too much and it continues to feel moisturizing as time goes on.  I've used mine so often that the pink label cannot be read anymore.  Yes, this review is a long time coming: I went to the mall for these things in March 2014.  I think I should give the balm a ranking of 9.  Fair enough.

Lush products are still expensive compared to your drug store offerings, so I'd advocate for baby Vaseline.  And any freebies that come your way.  I recently got a lip balm from my school's student health services (has a personalized label) and I love that one too.  But I have no idea who makes it. Tsk tsk.

All of the Lights

soft shock

Fireworks are nothing special to me--once you've seen one display you've seen them all.  If I don't go to a firework show, I don't regret it.  But I think it's definitely more about the company you're with rather than the special effects lighting up the sky.  Every time I do go to a firework show I am reminded of that.  

This year I went to Woodlawn Lake Park to see the displays with a friend and a friend of a friend.  The park was FULL.  Full of people--families, children (with sparklers and glow sticks) and dogs (a couple not on leashes, yikes!).  It was like a mini-fair.  There was a stage with a band playing and booths selling giant turkey legs, funnel cakes, and sweet corn.  

We watched the display from this bridge a little ways from the lake.  The show was anti-climatic without a proper ending because of technical problems due to the light rain.  But still, against my usual behavior, I took photos of the works.  These two were the most unique and interesting to me.  And this tweet I saw on my timeline was so fitting and funny.  I absolutely agree (even as I hypocritically took photos).

whispers in the night

Misadventures in Makeup: Smashbox Camera Ready BB Cream Review

Once upon a time, there was a young lady who kind of liked makeup and all the magic it can do to bring out natural beauty (or to hide it or create it).  While she liked it, she also kind of disliked it because it was just too much and she was clueless about how to apply it.  But one day, her beauty godmother advised her and encouraged her to try Smashbox Camera Ready BB Cream*.  This beautiful beauty godmother had heard great things about this BB cream:  "It's a step below foundation and a step above your bare face. Try it."  Plus it's supposed to moisturize, hydrate, prime, protect, amplify, tenderize and miraculize!

With the words of her beauty godmother ringing in her ears, this young lady got herself to a Sephora where she felt overwhelmed by all the products and the hive center filled with makeup belt wielding artistes taking to their random canvases.  Suddenly she became a canvas, but only for a short moment.  Long enough to choose the shade (dark, the darkest of them all) and test it along her jawline.  She asked questions: apply with fingers?  Just how much at once?  The artiste answered.  This young lady looked in the mirror and was satisfied.  She saw that it matched so she thanked the artiste and entered the queue to purchase it.  

Then she went on a journey from her homeland to a faraway land called Missouriana.  She smashed that box and used her new BB cream each day during her trip but the look was flat.  Unsatisfying.  Blah.  When she returned home she kept the cream locked up for a few weeks, only to have her beauty godmother inquire about it.  With the inquiry, she decided to give the cream another try.  At this final time she saw that she was hilariously mistaken.  The artiste was mistaken.  It was not a smash.

ohhhhhh.

is this serious?**

So Smashbox Camera Ready BB Cream...it comes in a relatively small tube.  I applied it with my fingers and tried to blend as well as I could.  Looking at these photos, it seems like the shade actually is similar enough to the shade of my neck and chest but the texture is not right.  It looks like I'm wearing makeup.  Maybe I'm not applying it correctly.  But for now, as far as I'm concerned...this is a no-go.  Join me for the next makeup (mis)adventure!

*I know this product has been available for a lifetime by now, but I've only just now made myself available to it lol.
**I mean, my hair is not serious...but no worries.

Four-Eyes

I certainly was excited to find this little grey box in the mail--my Warby Parker Home Try On package!! Warby Parker was the first online eyewear company I heard of but there are several others like BonLook and Eyefly.  I believe WP is the only one that allows a physical try-on at home or in certain store locations in addition to a virtual try-on.  Pretty cool, eh?

To be honest, this is the third time I've done the free Home Try On Program at Warby Parker.  The first time, after my annual optometry visit last year, was a test, like "Really?  They'll send me five pairs of glasses to try on for free?!"  And the second time was probably because I could...and well, because web advertisements absolutely work.  But this third time I plan to actually choose some frames for my new prescription.

You can even get feedback from them if you use #WarbyHomeTryOn on Twitter and friends.  I thought I'd give it a try and they actually responded!  With things like "We're digging Ainsworth on you!" and "We think it'd be great in our Violet Magnolia color as well."  Love the language, love the help.  Even if their ultimate hope is that I'll buy some frames.  But there's no pressure, otherwise I don't think I'd be on my third home try-on... This is a promising collection I picked out though.  What do you think?!  To my fellow vision-impaired peoples: have any of you tried out this program or visited the other eyewear sites?

#1: Ainsworth in Elderberry

#2: Baxter in Catalina Blue

#3: Roosevelt in Revolver Black

#4: Finch in Grenadine

#5: Roosevelt in Bondi Blue

I don't know how it happened, but these kind of look like Polaroid prints.  

Very retro.

P.S. As a kid I could never accept "four-eyes" as a logical insult.  If someone called me that I would make the case that the eyeglasses themselves were not another set of eyes.  I tried to school 'em in the basics of human biology.  Can't say I made a difference.

Better Than Before

Before

Last week I specifically noticed my eyebrows in the mirror and thought "Oooh, gotta do something about this."  All these beauties on Instagram and YouTube have perfect eyebrows that often don't even look like they're made of hair.  Painted but not painted.  Filled in but not fake.  They also tend to wear flawless makeup...

At nearly twenty-four, proper application of makeup escapes me.  I see a value in it (enhancing your existing beauty) and a fault in it (time component, potential to rub off on things).  Eventually I will learn to highlight, conceal, enhance, define, color (all the makeup verbs).  Until then, I could at least clean up my eyebrows.

♥

Now, eyebrow shaping is like magic.  I already know this (and if you don't, I am now a temporary product of such magic).  The caterpillars above my eyes have been tweezed, threaded and waxed before...just not regularly.  But I should probably change that so last weekend I made an appointment with Anastasia Brow Studio at Nordstrom (referred to by my momma).  They use these stencils-- full arch, high arch, medium arch, etc--to mark the shape, then wax around and tweeze to finish.  I wanted to keep my fullness so the esthetician (nice word, eh?) used the full arch stencil.  

Did you know that eyebrows can have cowlicks too?  On my inner edges hairs lie straight up instead of curving nicely with the rest.  Apparently those hairs are a cowlick and I can train them to grow in a curved direction with a brow gel--tinted or clear.  Brush/flick up and then over to lay the hairs down.  Hmmm, okay...beauty lesson of the week. 

So there's the before above.  See the after.  I hope the magic can be seen well enough (used my iPhone for these and sometimes I take grainy photos--by accident--instead of clear/crisp photos).  If you can't see the magic, trust me, it has gotten better with each passing day lol.  I'll look in the mirror and be like "Whose pretty face is that?!"  It was pretty before, but now there's something extraordinary about it.

After

*Currently using Lancome Brow Experts Modele Sourcil in Naturel (some kind of clear gel, ya'll)

Alright, alright, alright. Until next time.